Entry 2: RE: "Snow White" - Objection

Posted by: Bradley Redder

When did you become a lawyer? Didn't you go to school for Communications or something? Either way, that's great. I'm proud of you... I just wish you would have told me about it. I would have sent you a basket of fruit or some fancy soaps when you passed the bar exam. Now I feel like a jerk.

Regardless, your courtroom antics will get you nowhere here. How dare you ask such an irrelevant question to open the proceedings here! How dare you invoke the most well-received fantasy series in recent memory, if not all time, one on which you know my contrary feelings already, and ask me to compare a completely unrelated film to it in the hopes of winning the jury over to your side by default... How dare you! Well, I refuse to give an answer (which may be yes, may be no) to that question until you explain why it is necessary to this discussion. 

In my client's defense, to address to the only actual point you made, before all of your tantalizing theatrics, I think the amount of character development is perfectly suitable for this type of film. Fairy tales rely on stock characters like princesses and heroes, and stock dynamics like good vs. evil. Why should my client, a re-imagining of such a story, be any different? What I did like was what the actors brought to these portrayals... Charlize Theron's slightly over-the-top, yet all-too-human jealous rage and the way Rupert Sanders captured her expressive eyes (my favorite such shot from the trailer (in fact the image displayed on the the trailer to the right (which oddly isn't really in the trailer)) didn't make it into the film), oozing menace and manipulation. And Chris Hemsworth's noble grieving drunkard has the same spirit he has as Thor: Very strong, powerful, and knowledgeable, yet emotionally vulnerable (in the film Thor, not in the all-encompassingly invulnerable The Avengers) and compassionate to those whom his actions affect. 

But if character in fantasy films is what you seek, and Lord of the Rings is what you're pushing, then how about giving me an adjective or two describing, oh, I don't know, Gimli? Legolas? Arwen? ...Elrond? And "stoic" or "good with bow or axe" are not acceptable.

In a related quandary, I think it's safe to say that without the success of The Godfather and the original Star Wars films popularizing the trilogy format, a trilogy like Lord of the Rings would never have seen the light of day. Before we continue, I would like you, Chad Van Alstin, to answer a simple question for me:

Is Lord of the Rings a better trilogy than both The Godfather and the original Star Wars trilogies?

Please, try to keep your answer objective. I just think the legions of This Week's Movie fans deserve to hear the answer, before they decide to cease taking you seriously.

I know you refuse to actually sit down and watch one of those LOTR films with me for fear of me exposing their flaws to your blissfully ignorant blind adoration of them, but perhaps you'd be willing to discuss them on here some week when there is no worthy release in theaters... Say June 15? Although I don't know if I have forty-six hours to spend watching a film trilogy between now and then, so maybe another time. That is, if you think you could actually find enough in them (objectively, something you seem to be fond of) to actually defend. If not, could you please pick up my gauntlet and hand it back to me?