Entry 6: RE: "MIB3" - Men in Black-Hole

Posted by: Bradley Redder

Oh, how I'd just love to keep up the absurd ruse that you secretly adored this film, but given that this will likely be the last word on the matter of the profoundly dull MIBIII, in consideration with your comments, I'll pack it in and assure the zero people that actually believed anything I said that you did not like the film.  In fact, the real text I got was "If you like Men in Black 3, we can no longer be friends."

As for me entertaining myself, years of alcoholic parentage and being left alone for days at a time with nothing but a broken comb and rusty razorblades, building forts out empty cigarette cartons and defending Marlboro Manor from the genetically enhanced rat infestation have hardened me against the forces of boredom. Have you ever sipped the toxic green blood from the skull of the rat-king after successfully defending an attack on the South Wall? I highly doubt it, because I don't think you'd have been such a Grumpy Gus when it came to my little fiction, and it's a shame because I had such grand plans for future posts, dozens of witty replies at the ready, but Noooooo... Chad can't be bothered to indulge in my harmless, little ploy.

That aside, you are absolutely right: MIBIII is $230 million gift wrap for nothing but air. There is absolutely nothing to it, so much of nothing that I was willing to forego my week's shenanigans to make sure that point is clear. I still can't even believe you included a plot summary in your review... How arduous that must have been trying to come up with three lines of actual description for this void. And yes, it is stuck in that state between being at all praiseworthy and at all bad enough to passionately take down, so perhaps you understand why I resorted to fabricating a reality in which you loved it... I had to do something to pass this week without wanting to rip the keys off of my laptop.