Forgive the dry meandering, but I had to wake up very very early for a dentist's appointment this morning, and got precious little sleep. On top of that, the odd sensation of tartarless teeth has been a constant source of distraction, so I may not have all of my wits about me at the moment.
Great point about societal individualism influencing our film heroes, but I think it almost negates your earlier argument that The Grey's lapses in plausibility give it nothing cool, no visceral feeling. Now, I understand that this is all subjective and difficult to argue, but I'm going to do it anyway, given that I'm in the position to defend the film.
There have certainly been a lot of "extraordinary man in extraordinary situation" movies lately, many of them quite literally featuring extraordinary men (and a few women) with a dozen superhero movies being released every year. The Grey does not match that description, instead it features an "ordinary man in an extraordinary situation," an often much more interesting, though for some reason much less popular approach to heroism. An ordinary man in over his head essentially produces an underdog which, unless he happens to be obnoxious or abrasive or some other form of asshole, I think we are inherently drawn into caring about/rooting for.
Where I think most movies would simply settle for the basic underdog scenario, I think The Grey builds on it by fleshing out its characters, which only makes that underdog quality seem more intense, giving us a reason to want these guys to make it other than that they probably won't. In our reviews we both mentioned our impression of this film going into it, that it looked like a standard blood-thirsty action premise with wolves instead of guys with guns, but right from the start it sets itself apart from that with a five-minute prologue that sets up Neeson's broken, regretful, lost character. And then it surrounds him with ridiculously normal guys who carry on meaningless conversations, like normal guys do.
This is really starting to meander, so I'll just get to it. You say it's not visceral, but I say all of these things make it that much more visceral, even more so than a beast ripping your organs out is already. I think its absurd level of normalcy only contributes to the adrenaline rush it sometimes breaks out into. Even the moments in which the wolves attack are ordinary... sitting by a fire talking about nothing special, taking a leak... these make it that much more immediate, because it's relatable. I bullshit around a fire; I piss outside, and seeing a giant wolf savagely ripping out a man's entrails while he does these things that I do all the time, rather than at the end of a long parkour chase (which certainly has its merits... make no mistake about it), makes The Grey that much more effective. How can you say you feel nothing for these poor guys, out there all alone, being hunted by wolves? Have you no heart?